Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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