It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
