i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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