can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
