Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
