Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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