When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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