She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
