Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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