I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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