Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
