were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
