Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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