ya dads aren't the best wingmen
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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