Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
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I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
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Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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