my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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