loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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