Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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