I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
love makes seman taste better
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
