I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
