if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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