Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
