I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
