thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Panties = found
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
