He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think I am morally bankrupt
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
