he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
