dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
