I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
