meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
ugly people sure do ruin things
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
