hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
