I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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