So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
