So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
