the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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