If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
