So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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