Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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