Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
