i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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