he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
