I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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