she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
