Got a toothbrush?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
