omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
