Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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