I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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