so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
