please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
