Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
