Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
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you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
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I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize