just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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