biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
