my shit smells like andre
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
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this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
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How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.