I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
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Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
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Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dick very happy bro