Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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