When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
